slytherincoffee: (Blaise: Got to be kidding)
[personal profile] slytherincoffee
[So very very locked from his wife and all her Sisters and all the kids]

I think that I'm too old to have another newborn around the house. Even Aiyana is grown now and out of the house. I have grandchildren and in a few cases great grandchildren. I'm in my prime as a wizard, we've got no worries financially, everyone is healthy, and we are mostly content with life. My...father and my father-in-law are well and I'm enjoying the relationship that my father and I have developed over the past few years. I'm so glad that we found each other, my mother had covered her tracks well but it wasn't as hard as she might have wished it was to find him.

My life was perfect, just the way it was and now this...I love my wife more than I love myself (despite the Gryffindor mawkishness of that statement, it does in fact happen to be true) and she wants for nothing, but I am unsure about this pregnancy. My wife is much older than I am, and while her Sisters assure me that she will be fine, I cannot help but worry incessantly. I was getting used to my retirement and having time around the house with just the two of us.

I honestly had no idea that we could still get pregnant at our ages. And...it's not been so long ago that I don't remember how much work newborns are. I'm not entirely sure I'm up to that again.

That's what I honestly think, but I don't dare express it. My wife, while so very strong in some ways is so very fragile in others.

I don't want to lose her. And that's a much higher risk than ever before, but neither do I want to get rid of the child. It's progressed enough that...that option is not wholly feasible in either the Muggle or Magical worlds. I know I'll love the child, like I love all of my other children, both biological and adopted. I just want to be able to give him or her the same type of childhood that their siblings had (minus a few episodes) and I'm worried that I may not be able to do that.

It's all very convoluted.

Blaise Zabini
Harry Potter
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Blaise Zabini

February 2010

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